Apologies in advance if you are a fan of Menopause: The Musical, Waist Watchers: The Musical or The D Word. There is a word that sums up these shows and it is “schlock.”
But it is schlock that sells, so no amount of critical disapproval will probably end — or even slow — the arrival of these lowest common denominator entertainments. Still, critics are an optimistic bunch, so we keep trying, either to prevent the genre from proliferating or to warn the unsuspecting public from attending.
The latest of this ilk in our midst is called Cougar the Musical, a show so impoverished it couldn’t even afford a colon in its title. It celebrates older women who prey on much younger guys because, as the penultimate number puts it, “Love is Ageless.” Whatever.
As usual in such shows, there are three stereotypical women who must climb the ladder of wisdom to reach empowerment and self-assurance. In this case, there is a Southern-fried gal named Mary-Marie (played by Margot Moreland, last seen at the Plaza Theatre as Mae West in Dirty Blonde).
A resolute cougar, she owns and runs a bar that caters to women of a certain age, featuring a drink dubbed the Cougartini. (It is a combination of pomegranate juice and vanilla vodka. If nothing else, the show will increase your cocktail repertoire.) Mary-Marie spurns the advances of men her own age, preferring young studs like Buck (Clay Cartland), whom she hires as her bartender and customer magnet.
For instance, there is Lily (Katie Angell Thomas), a would-be actress making a living entertaining at kids’ parties. She’s a two-time divorcee who swears she is no cougar, but is a pushover for Buck’s charms. And there is prudish Clarity (Shelley Kellor), a former financial analyst who has returned to school for women’s studies, writing a master’s thesis in opposition to the cougar lifestyle. You do not have to be in graduate school to guess that she will succumb, though you may not see her solo to her electric vibrator coming.
Cougar the Musical is credited to Donna Moore, who wrote the script and is one of a committee of six who worked on the music and lyrics. Unlike Menopause and Waist Watchers, Cougar features original songs or at least songs that are not parodies of pop hits. A few of them are actually quite catchy, like the opening number (“On the Prowl”) and “Let’s Talk About Me,” a list song with some cleverly rhymed name-dropping.
Regardless of what you think of the show, the cast will probably earn your sympathy for what they are required to do. That is particularly so for Moreland, who performs a comic striptease down to her animal-print undies. It should be reported, I guess, that the mainly female audience howled its approval of her bump-and-grind. They also enjoyed Cartland’s wince-inducing manicurist, complete with pidgin Korean accent.
If this is what its audience wants, the Plaza might as well provide it. Unless, of course, they want to keep claiming that they are in the theater business.
COUGAR THE MUSICAL, Plaza Theatre, 262 S. Ocean Blvd., Manalapan. Through Sunday, June 29. $45. (561) 588-1820.